I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. On top of major depression and generalized anxiety because the universe just hates my guts.
I also found a new therapist. Not only do I need to work on my past trauma and also get through Felicia’s death, I have to start wrapping my head around my diagnosis. This is a lot to take, honestly. I don’t know if I should be relieved that there’s an explanation behind the things I do and accept it or continue to feel like shit because I am not built for this.
Living with major depression has been a struggle for me. It takes a lot out of me just to get through getting up in the morning and doing the most mundane tasks. Then the tiredness and occasional body pains. The suicidal thoughts, the feeling of worthlessness, feeling helpless, feeling overwhelmed…I could go on and on. It’s really a lot to deal with. Now that I have another mental health diagnosis on top of all that, it’s a lot to take.
I know that this will be a work in progress. I’m a work in progress. But I’m glad I found a therapist who is willing to work with my issues (and she’ll probably need therapy once she gets to know me) and be there to help me come up with new coping skills. I don’t know exactly when I decided I was ready to be in therapy again but I feel like everything that I’ve been holding in and not addressing are weighing me down.
Now that my kids are older and pretty much self-sufficient, I need to work on myself so I can be a better mom, wife, and person. Even if it means facing my demons.
It’s come to a point where I should just act like I’m going to work, take a shower first thing in the AM, and put on different clothes every day.
Is this a sign of cabin fever?
I hope the pics tell you what I’ve been doing to keep myself from going insane. Jeremy still has to go to work because he’s an essential employee. The kids are with their grandparents and they’ve been doing a good job at self-isolation.
And I also bought this:
They want me to wear a mask, then I’m going to wear a mask.
As you can see, I’ve been sort of busy. We have no idea when this stay at home order is going to expire. Might as well make the most of it.
took my husband’s last name because my maiden name started with a Q and
remembering how much of a pain in the ass it was to be so close to the
end of the alphabet. Especially when we had to line up alphabetically by
last name in school or I had to look for a table that had the sign
“P-Q” and it was always at end of the freakin’ hall. Also, I’m the type
who likes to get stuff over with so I always almost wanted to just die
every time I had to wait to present something to the class.
remember when it was time to renew our parking passes where I used to
work. Went to my table (A-C), told them my last name and I was the
fourth one down the list (my first name is like smack in the middle of
the alphabet). Shit like that makes me happy that I took Jeremy’s last
name. It baffles people, too, because they didn’t expect an Asian chick
with an American last name until they check my ring finger. Kinda funny
being called The Adams Family sounds awesome. I seriously considered
naming my daughter Wednesday. Now I see how that was stupid idea but I
was pregnant and all I could think of was the next time I could eat or
nap so I wasn’t really thinking clearly.